I was chatting with a pal the other day and he admitted to being really ugly as a child. I was filled with multiple responses:
- How would you know?
- Were you just teased a lot?
- Maybe the kids were jealous?
- Maybe you weren’t ugly?
- Did you see yourself as ugly or were you told you were ugly?
- You’re not at all ugly now, so it’s hard to believe you were ever ugly.
Then I started thinking about my own experience. I would say that I was ugly as a child too.
GRADE SCHOOL JODI
I was teased heavily in grade school. My mom insisted that I go to St. Paul Lutheran Parochial school and I hated that place. From grades 3 to 8, I spent most of the time in the bathroom, crying. Most of the kids had siblings and had parents that were married with big houses. I was an only child, my parents were divorced and were lower class. My clothes weren’t fancy, my hair was frizzy (I could not figure out how to style it no matter how hard I tried), and I had really bad acne over my face, neck, and back (Nope, no Accutane for me; which actually turned out to be a blessing.). I was bullied daily. Name calling included: “Jodi don’t scare us”, “Sheepdog”, and just plain ugly. I really wanted to hang out with the other kids but I was incredibly shy, which I’m sure came off as bitchy. I was so scared to talk to other kids. Being an only child with busy parents did not help my social skills. I didn’t try at school because I thought I was dumb and ugly and that I had no place in this life. At a young age, I was just waiting for it all to just end.
The only saving grace I had was my love for dance. My parents couldn’t afford dance classes, so my dad recorded music videos and I copied the dance sequences at home. I got really good at it and choreographed many of my own routines. Because of my dance skills, I was very good at cheerleading (we didn’t have a dance team at our grade school) and ended up being the captain of the teams. This was very confusing for my classmates. Cheerleaders were suppose to be pretty and fun, but here I was. Ugly and awkward, but they knew I was good. One kid actually said to me, “You’re a really good cheerleader, too bad you’re not pretty too.”
I was not funny as a kid, but I got a lot of laughs. Any given sentence I would say would cause the kids to double over in giggles. I had no idea why, and I hated it. I thought they were laughing at me. Turns out, they were laughing at how and what I said. Not who was saying it.
TODAY JODI
This still happens a lot to me. I get laughs from crowds that are sometimes unexpected, but I know why now. My own mannerisms are unique to others (just like yours are to someone else), and for some reason, mine have a tendency to be funny. I’m incredibly grateful for having found improv. It’s given me a place to grow into me and be comfortable with the way I am. I love making people laugh and now I know why they do (most of the time).
As far as my appearance, I’ve been told I’m attractive and sometimes I see it, but I’m more proud about being a woman than what I look like.
I’m pretty outgoing for the most part. I’ve learned that not everyone is going to like me. I like being nice and saying “hi”, and some people don’t like or trust that and those are just not my people. I still do get shy and quirky if I notice a man has taken interest in me or if I like him, this is something I’m still working on.
Also, I can still do Janet’s “Rhythm Nation.”
Here’s how I’d answer my own questions from the statement “I was ugly as a kid”:
- How would you know?
—- I was made fun of almost every day for 6 years, mainly focusing on the aspect of ugly.
- Were you just teased a lot?
—- Ah, yeah. 6 years.
- Maybe the kids were jealous?
—- Hell no. Jealous of what? My frizzy hair? The clothes we got at Goodwill that other kids recognized were their old clothes and then made fun of me for wearing them? My diseased looking acne?
- Maybe you weren’t ugly?
—- It doesn’t really matter, but I have looked at old pictures. I thought I looked kinda cute. I think I was probably made fun of more because I was shy.
- Did you see yourself as ugly or were you told you were ugly?
—- Yes, when I was a kid I thought I was ugly and the other kids said I was ugly.
- You’re not at all ugly now, so it’s hard to believe you were ever ugly.
—- Hey thanks! I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’m sure some people think I’m attractive and others don’t. I’m happy with me and what I look like and that’s really all that matters anyway.
EDITED NOTE:
Let me be clear about this because I feel like I’ve pussyfooted around it: I do not think I’m ugly. I am proud of me. I am proud of my experiences and how I’ve handled myself. I can’t turn back time or linger on the past. It did suck that I felt so crummy about myself as a kid, yes. I no longer feel that way. I like me, I like my life, I own the choices I have made. Cool? Alrighty then.
